You hear, but do you listen?

Isn’t it interesting the word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT.

The most universal complaint from people regarding interpersonal relationships is “I don’t feel heard, why can’t you just listen?” There are numerous reasons why we have a tendency to “FIX” a situation when we are listening to someone sharing a problem:

• Feeling significant by solving a problem.
• Genuine desire to help.
• Feeling that listening is not helpful if there is a solution.
• Gender differences, yes it’s true, men are socialized to be fixers.
• Discomfort inside yourself hearing someone else’s pain.
• Rescuing the person sharing from their pain.

Even with the best of intentions, and a true desire to be helpful, if we attempt to fix a problem prematurely, we miss the opportunity to hold a safe space and create unintended outcomes:

• Assumptions.
• Convey that we feel the other person is incapable of solving their own problems.
• Feeling misunderstood and frustrated.
• Disempowers the speaker
• Diminishes connection.

Here’s a quick video that cleverly showcases this lesson:

GROWTH GIFT:

For one week, no matter who, no matter what the topic (unless it is an emergency), if someone is sharing a problem, fear, complaint, situation, LISTEN… be aware of any chatter you may have as well as any discomfort… and listen. When they are done speaking, you may thank them for sharing, ask if you can do anything for them, and then and only then you may ask if they are open/wanting any feedback or suggestions. Connection outweighs solutions!